Spanky Ham
"Who says Internet cartoons don't have class?! Well, I've got so much class it's dripping in soft, wet chunks right outta my pork-hole!" ~ Spanky Ham "He's not the only one who can sing from his heart. I got feelings inside that...oh, fuck this shit!" ~ Spanky Ham Spanky Ham is a fictional character in the animated series Drawn Together. He is one of the eight housemates who are the focus of the show. Spanky is labeled as a crass internet download. He is voiced by Adam Carolla. Background Spanky is a lecherous, crude, sleazy, foul-mouthed, rude and greedy pig with few social skills. The premise for his character is that he has been directly downloaded from the Internet, and as such, he is a parody of the immature characters found in bad Internet Flash cartoons. He does not, however, parody any specific animated character. Spanky's personality was originally based on Puck from The Real World: San Francisco, though his personality changed midway through the first season to the point where the Puck parallel no longer applied (Spanky remained crude, but was no longer a jerk).http://tv.ign.com/articles/746/746056p1.html His status as an Internet download comes directly into play in the episode "Foxxy vs. the Board of Education", when he is infected with a computer virus (but which curiously enough is curable through regular medicine). In his "life" away from the show, Spanky is an animated barker who inhabits an Internet porn site, introducing the viewer to the various wares available. In the past, he served as a special education instructor for an unspecified length of time. He is also a recovering alcoholic; in "Dirty Pranking No. 2", he is revealed to have had a liver transplant, indicating he may have done some heavy drinking in his time and in "Charlotte's Web of Lies", he mentions having been in rehab once, this and his alcoholism indicates that he may have a history of substance abuse. In "Spelling Applebee's" he reveals that he lost his left testicle to cancer. The episode "Xandir and Tim, Sitting in a Tree" reveals that he has a wife and son who live in a house in the suburbs (which would mean that his marriage to Xandir a few episodes earlier was bigamy and thus technically not legal). That same episode reveals that he was also a high school dropout. All of these instances indicate he may have had a dysfunctional upbringing. In Drawn Together Babies, Spanky was seen as a baby. Spanky was shown to be someone who was very concerned about his own hygiene and being clean. Pooping and peeing all over the place was the last thing he wanted to do because it seemed "unsanitary" to him. However, in a moment of pressure, Spanky was forced to pee outside his diaper, and when he did, he found that he really liked it a lot which turned him into what he is today. He may have been molested as a child; when Wooldoor Sockbat sang Princess Clara's "Bully Song", with the lyrics "Bullies are people who hate themselves/Abused at age six, or molested at twelve", Spanky gasped and asked "Who told you?". In "Terms of Endearment", he lists the "playful advances" of one's shop teacher as an example of something that should not be forgotten; given his previous admission, it is possible Spanky is speaking from experience. Towards the end of Drawn Together Babies , Spanky is shown crying as his nose (mouth in the uncensored DVD) is fondled by Mr. Drawn Together when he is hiding underneath the trenchcoat, leading one to believe this may have been the first time. Personality .]] Spanky's primary gag is his crudeness. He takes great pleasure in his own bodily functions, and is frequently seen looking at pornography. When he overtans himself, he resembles bacon. The episode "Dirty Pranking No. 2" reveals that Spanky is a Muslim, which, in addition to serving as the punchline to a 9/11 joke in that episode (Spanky states that he "inconveniently converted" in August 2001), is an in-joke itself, as Islam considers pigs to be especially unclean creatures that are to be avoided. In "Breakfast Food Killer", Spanky implies that he was Jewish prior to his conversion when he chides Franken Berry for changing his name from Frankenstein, then notes, "Assimilation is our people's biggest enemy." Spanky's catchphrase is, "Nothing can possibly go wrong!", which he always utters right before disaster strikes. He is greedy and sleazy, and always eager to exploit the other characters for his personal gain. He is crudely animated and appears to be somewhat visually based on the South Park and killfrog.com characters. He also sometimes serves as a parody of porn star Ron Jeremy, who was featured in the reality show The Surreal Life, complete with a gigantic penis (uncensored on the DVD, where it is revealed to be coiled like a biological pig's). Though as with all the other housemates, there have been gags suggesting same-sex relationships on Spanky's part (particularly an instance where he plays "spin the bottle" with Hero and Wooldoor), Spanky is one of the few housemates who is unquestionably straight. He is attracted to Princess Clara, and at the end of Season One, he even became involved with her; though the couple were not shown breaking up on screen, their relationship was never mentioned again, and it becomes apparent in Season Two that it is no longer current. Spanky once entered into a gay marriage with Xandir for free health insurance, but was unable to force himself to have sex with Xandir, which nearly prevented him from getting the insurance. He appeared to have a sexual relationship with Captain Hero in "Mexican't Buy Me Love"; in that episode, Spanky implies that Hero had fingered him, and he also mentions that he had allowed Hero to go to "seventh base" with him. However, Spanky is not really acting in his own persona in this regard; the story in question is basically an extended role-playing exercise, in which the housemates assume the roles of high school clique members. He also seems to be dacryphiliac; he gets an erection when he sees Clara crying in the first episode, and in "Captain Girl," he says that he will have an orgasm if Wooldoor continues crying. The third-season episode "Unrestrainable Trainable" briefly revisited Spanky's original, darker side, revealing a more malicious aspect to the character than was ever hinted at before, as it is revealed that Spanky regularly impregnates his wife and then kills the children at birth in order to process them into sausage and sell them for profit. However, this, like many other events that occur in the series, is most likely just a gag rather than actual series canon. He seems to have an untreated bladder infection, as references are made at least twice to him urinating blood, and a pitcher of his bright red pee is visible in "The Lemon-AIDS Walk" (this scene only appearing in the DVD version). Spanky seems utterly unconcerned about this, suggesting that he does not take his personal health particularly seriously (with the exception of one instance in which he was near death). A running gag on the show involves Spanky interjecting a random nonsensical comment of some sort during situations where several of the housemates are talking at once. In "Requiem for a Reality Show," he says "Bukkake?" during one such scene, and in both "N.R.A.y RAY" and "Lost in Parking Space, Part One," he is heard to say, "My girlfriend has cerebral palsy!" Role on the show .]] During the first few episodes of the series, Spanky was the villain of the show, committing such atrocities as making a slave out of Ling-Ling in "Gay Bash", along with bullying Wooldoor and forcing him to trick Clara into singing in "Requiem for a Reality Show" so he could kill and eat all the woodland creatures that inexplicably appeared whenever she did so. ("We'll eat like dingos in a maternity ward!") However, this role would be altered toward the end of the first season (with Captain Hero and Princess Clara generally becoming more negative character). After bonding with Clara in "Dirty Pranking No. 2," Spanky becomes much more sympathetic; though he continues to bully Wooldoor and make fun of Xandir, his behavior in this regard is more mischievous than malicious. Though Spanky is seldom the focal point of a story and has the least amount of appearences out of the rest of the characters, he doesn't hurt for screen time. Sometimes, he remains in the background and wryly comments or jokes about the situation, but often, he provides a valuable supporting role in stories and scenes. Despite his lewd, crass nature, he is actually one of the group's most reliable members, always willing to come to the aid of the other housemates when one of them faces a crisis of some sort. At times, he displays surprising sensitivity; in addition to having taught special ed classes (about which he makes a special point to tell the housemates that "those kids try hard"), he regularly attends the Special Olympics, and is sensitive to the plight of Native Americans. He has also served as the voice of reason on a few occasions, such as when he gave advice to Foxxy Love in "Captain Hero's Marriage Pact" or came to Clara's defense in "Clum Babies." In "Terms of Endearment," he makes a moving speech to Mickey Mouse that people shouldn't try to erase offensive stereotypes, because while they are a not particularly pleasant part of history, denying history is dangerous. In "Xandir and Tim, Sitting in a Tree," Spanky is the one who rallies the housemates after they receive a bad review from Entertainment Weekly, and he also delivers the episode's lesson about the nature of criticism. Stuff Spanky has shitted and farted on. Spanky Ham is always pooping and peeing on everything. Here's a list of all of the things he's pooped and peed on. *'Hot Tub' **Peed on the couch to mark his territory. **Peed on Princess Clara and Foxxy Love's cat fight. **Defecating into a cantaloupe. **Pooping inside of Toot Braunstein decapitated head during a flashback. *'The Other Cousin' **A picture of Spanky peeing on Wooldoor Sockbat's grave was seen. *'Terms of Endearment' **Spanky crapped in his pants out of excitement. *'Dirty Pranking No. 2' **Spanky was seen crapping on a bunch of pizzas as a prank. Later in the episode, it was revealed that he and Foxxy ate them afterwards. *'The One Wherein There Is a Big Twist, Part II' **When Spanky returned to his home, a video of him pooping in a fishbowl was seen. *'Foxxy vs. the Board of Education' **Although it was not seen, Xandir revealed that Spanky constantly craps in the dresser drawer. *'Captain Hero's Marriage Pact' **Spanky pooped in the toilet and he sadly flushed it down, knowing that he would miss his "friend" a whole lot. * The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! ** Defecates on Ling-Ling. Episodes focusing on Spanky *Gay Bash (side plot) *Requiem for a Reality Show *Dirty Pranking No. 2 *Foxxy vs. the Board of Education (side plot) *Captain Hero's Marriage Pact (side plot) *Ghostesses in the Slot Machine (side plot) *Lost in Parking Space, Part One *Charlotte's Web of Lies *Drawn Together Babies ''See Also: Spanky Episodes '' Trivia *Spanky is the only character whose artwork has remained the same since the beginning of production of the show. *Spanky is also the only character in the show who isn't a parody of another particular cartoon character. *His penis is corkscrew shaped, which is in fact the shape pigs penises are. *In the episode "Dirty Pranking No. 2," it was revealed that Spanky is a Muslim. **This was earlier hinted in the episode "Requiem for a Reality Show" when he screamed "For the love of Allah who's great and merciful." **Strangely enough, Spanky is a pig and pork is forbidden in the Muslim religion. **Another thing contradictory with his Muslim faith, is that he has been seen dating women multiple times, which is forbidden in the Muslim religion. *He started a relationship with Princess Clara in the episode "Dirty Pranking No. 2 which lasted until the episode Foxxy vs. the Board of Education when he broke up with her and got married to Xandir. *Although Spanky is supposed to be an internet flash animated character, he also seems to be portrayed as a porn star too on multiple occasions. **In "Hot Tub," it was revealed that he lives inside of a pornographic website as one of the stars. **In "The One Wherein There Is a Big Twist, Part II," he went home to his website and was in a video where he was seen shitting into a fishbowl. **In "Foxxy vs. the Board of Education," Spanky said that he was a crass internet download. *He is the only main character to not have his name appear in an episode title. Gallery Spanky_Confessional.png Spanky_and_Clara.png Spanky_abusing_Wooldoor.png Spanky_killing_Wooldoor.png Captain_Hero_and_Spanky_Ham_hi_five_in_the_confessional.png Gallery_15.PNG Spanky_almost_dead_in_the_confessional.png Clara and Spanky dancing.png Fff.JPG DTSpChar1.png Drawntogethers02e06hs.png Lolwtf_Spanky.png Rallyttcl.png Spafam.png DSpankchar.png Kill the Wabbit.png Good Times.png Feel Like Makin' Love.png Spanky makes Ling-Ling sew.png Spanky offers Ling-Ling a job.png They want a TV.png Spanky sees an oppurtunity for making cash.png Spanky I Wanted You To Know.png Spanky Gets Violated.PNG Category:Characters Category:Housemates Category:Major Characters Category:Males Category:Enemies of Wooldoor Category:Animals Category:Muslims Category:Ham Family Category:Xandir's Love Interests Category:Hero Category:Deceased Category:Villains Category:Divorced Category:Married